Taboo Talks~ I had Unprotected Sex with a Boy I’d just Met
I used to have a boyfriend who would pressure me into unprotected sex. I’m not going to act like a victim, and blame anything on him, because I allowed it to happen. But it’s time to share my story.
I will be speaking about an unhealthy relationship I had with an ex boyfriend.
It was a toxic experience and non-enjoyable for the most part. I pretended to be ok with it, because I felt like it was my job as a girlfriend to provide him the pleasure he was longing for. I felt like I had to let him touch my body, so I gave him consent to do sexual things with me. I was guilt tripped into a lot when I was with him, especially unprotected sex. It was like he forced me into having sex with him. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was real. It was hard for me to stand up for myself and tell him no. I had tried to tell him things that I didn’t like, and he never changed the way he touched me even if I’d said it hurt. He didn’t listen. And he didn’t listen to my no’s, no matter how hard I had tried to say them in the first place. I wanted to explore my sexuality and I believed that this was all a part of it.
I first had unprotected sex with him eight days after meeting. I was never someone to rush into things like this, and it was my first time. Losing my virginity didn’t feel special. I hold a distasteful memory to it.
I let the sex continue through the whole relationship. We used condoms a few times, but he always made excuses of why we couldn’t use them. I fell for his lies, and he deceived me into letting him do what he wanted. I realised after dating him that he didn’t really value me as a person. He didn’t truly see the wonderful young woman I am. When he spoke about me, and to me he’d do it in third person, eg, “I can’t believe I’ve finally found someone who understands me, someone like you,” “I’m so happy I have a girlfriend who’s so smart and beautiful like you are,” and he would always say “It just feels so right with you.” It didn’t feel right that he was talking to me like I didn’t exist. I always found it weird, and he didn’t pronounce my name right for almost the whole time we were dating. I felt like the relationship was so one sided, that he only saw me as something (not someone) to play with. It was like he objectified me, and that my appearance or the fact that I had a vagina and boobs was the only thing of importance. My feelings weren’t taken into consideration and he always talked about himself and his problems. He didn’t get to know who I was, because it was all about him.
I believed that my feelings weren’t valid, and that I should just get over the way he was treating me. But I couldn’t. I was resentful and hurt. I broke up with him eventually after a couple of months of dating, after realising how disrespectful and toxic the relationship was becoming.
Eventually I even told him that he was “bad” at sex, and that I didn’t like the way he was treating me. I had a friend who I tried to reach out to about this sexually abusive relationship and she told me that I shouldn’t of told him that the sex had been bad, because it would’ve dampened his masculine pride (What about my feminine empowerment? What about girls supporting girls?).
But in actual fact I should’ve stood up for myself, and communicated what was really going on. I shouldn’t of gotten myself into situations of forced sex.
I can’t take it back, and I don’t want to because since then I’ve learned to uphold stronger boundaries for myself, especially in sex. I’ve learned from this experience of such a toxic relationship, and I take these teachings into my daily life. Sex hadn’t been the only problem in this relationship, but it’s something I’ve needed to open up about for a long time.
As a young woman it’s been hard to be honest and talk about things like this, and that’s why I created Taboo Talks so that other women can feel safe speaking about what they are/ have been going through. Don’t feel ashamed, dirty or embarrassed for your experiences, whether they’re sexual, menstrual, social or anything else that you wouldn’t normally talk about. It’s never too late to stand up for yourself. Learn to respect yourself, because you are worthy as fuck.