To All the Lovers Out There...
What is your love language? I’m asking this because knowing what you like to receive from others can actually further help you uncover a nugget of kindness and love to put towards yourself. It’s essential to know what you enjoy in a relationship, but let’s focus more on the relationship you have with yourself. For those who do not know what love languages are, this term refers to the ways in which we feel loved and appreciated. It’s a term that quite often comes up in affectionate and intimate relationships with lovers, but it also stems into our relation to friends and ourselves.
Have you ever heard of the phrase, ‘become your own lover?’ When we put energy into being lovers to ourselves we fill up our own cup instead of relying on others to do so for us, and we actually fall in love with who we are. You may not even feel the desire to be in a relationship with another person when the one you have with yourself is so wholesome and balanced. Knowing your love languages in order from most valued to least, you can learn to give yourself more affection in the areas that make you feel good.
There are five love languages:
♥Words of Affirmation
♥Acts is Service
When we figure out which ones we know are essential to feeling loved and appreciated we can focus on giving ourselves those things in our own relationship with ourself. For example, if you know ♥Words of Affirmation is at the top of your list you can honour that by giving yourself compliments in the mirror, reminding yourself how amazing you truly are, saying kind things about yourself rather than bringing yourself down, and creating positive self talk inside your head. I will also provide examples for the rest of the languages so that you can have some guidance on how to give these things to yourself without a partner.
♥Acts of Service: Be helpful to yourself by planning ahead and being organised. Make time for the things you love doing rather than putting them off or waiting for the perfect moment. Make yourself a nutritious and delicious dinner or take yourself on a solo date for the day or however long or short you’d like.
♥Receiving Gifts: Be mindful about gifting yourself things without overdoing it or over indulging. You can gift yourself material items that you know you’ll really value or gift yourself time to do something fun. Write yourself a letter telling yourself how great it is to be you (this is also a good one for Words of Affirmation) or how grateful for you are to be where you are and how much you’ve overcome.
♥Quality Time: Literally spend time with yourself that is worth every minute. Take a break or do something you really enjoy doing. Quality over quantity! You don’t have to push yourself to do a lot, just do what feels great for you in that moment and let each new moment flow. I like going to the beach by myself, listening to music, dancing, cooking, creating foods in the kitchen, and a lot of other things because I spend a lot of time with myself and I love it!
♥Physical Touch: this one might weird some people out at first, but come on! Self care and intimacy with yourself is SO important! It can be as simple as spending a few moments with your breath in the morning and holding your tummy. You could give yourself an embracing hug when you need it. Give yourself a coconut oil massage. Do a body scrub in the bath or shower. Apply a face mask and pamper yourself. And if you do want to go further touch yourself sexually if that feels right for you. It doesn’t have to be weird. You make it as awkward as you choose it to be. So let those worries go and spend time being sensual with yourself.
Anyway, I hope this has helped someone out there, i just had a bath and all these ideas popped into my head. It only just clicked that I am as fulfilled in myself as I am because I spend time being my own lover and honouring my languages of love. Sometimes the labels and reasons behind things comes after doing it for so long. Prioritise yourself and get clear on what feels good for you. Take pleasure in being with yourself. The most healing happens when you are alone in your own presence. Much love to you all.