You’re a What? Today’s Taboo Talks
Ahh, being young is deemed to be the best time to fuck around and have fun. The teenage years are a prime time to let loose and explore our hormonal desires, but for some or many, if we haven’t had sex by a certain age it can be uncomfortable to really admit that we’re virgins. I lost my virginity later than most people I had heard about, but I’m glad I was comfortable in myself and not ashamed of having sex when I was personally ready. There is no age that is more suitable to have sex the first time. You’ve got to act on that when you feel safe and ready to do it in your own time. The social dynamics create all these unsaid rules of when and how sex should be done, but you’re really not a late bloomer if you haven’t had sex by a certain age. I say FUCK THAT. Waiting until you’re ready is all that matters, and there’s nothing wrong with that AT ALL. We need to embrace our experiences and stop feeling like we’re missing out if someone else is doing something earlier than you’re ready to. The words ahead reminded me that there are those questions that people wonder about to do with other people’s sexual relations, and I want to tell you that it’s ok to be a virgin. It’s not who you are as a person, so don’t let social stigma worry you! We’re all winging life at our own pace.
I really liked this story that was submitted to me, I hope you enjoy it too, and maybe you can even relate...
A big thanks to this anonymous writer for sharing, and bringing up this topic on sex.
Thank you for being so open and honest. This vulnerability is so powerful.
“When people want to get deep - those midnight conversations that always creep onto centre stage, the answers we’re secretly curious of- the focus always turns to experience, our own philosophies, of life and love.
how many people have you slept with? what’s your favourite position? have you even done it yet? why not? are you scared of your own body? of someone seeing you naked? of seeing some one else naked? of being embarrassed? what’s stopping you, i mean, you are 19 now. when are you going to loose it?
the conversation i both love and dread.
it’s one of my biggest secrets: i’m still a virgin. and i don’t want anyone to find out.
i’m absolutely terrified of the idea of someone loving me and at the heart of that fear lies sex- of becoming so intimate and close with a person that i open myself fully to be vulnerable with them... before sooner or later they come to the realisation that i am not good enough for them and we are not a match.
i’m fascinated by the idea of sex that i’m also scared it won’t live up to expectations- that i’ll fuck it up somehow. i’m terrified of being intimate with someone, anyone. i only kiss strangers at clubs when i’m drunk enough not to care and i wouldn’t dare dream of kissing the guy i actually like for fear of me not being good enough at it that it completely turns them away.
yet every single time the conversation pops up i find myself crawling towards it, i want people to know, but at the same time i don’t. and that’s why we’re here. it was a sort of drinking game i think, i was asked how many people i slept with.
and i lied.
it’s the shame of being a virgin at 19 - because people judge, they do. you and i both know. it’s a survival instinct that we can’t seem to shake. (if someone hasn’t had sex at my age they’re probably unattractive or a shitty kisser, right?) i know i judge too. we all do, and it’s lead me to this.
ask me when i lost my virginity. i have the date in my head. his name. his rough build. how it happened. how many positions we tried. how old i was. how quick it was. how good it was.
and the second guy i ‘slept with’. i have his name and age in my head. it was a one night stand after i went out with a bunch of mates. i slept over at his after. we never spoke again.
i have a set story to tell - the amount of people i’ve ‘fucked’, their fake names and how good they each were. how many times i slept with each of them and when.
i think part of it just happened because i wanted to be included in the conversation- i wanted to have something to say when people asked and i wanted to avoid the judgement. so here we are and here i am.
maybe we’ll meet someday at a party south of the river or in perth somewhere, maybe even a club. maybe we’ll flirt or maybe we’ll chat as strangers-potential friends to be- the convo will pop up and you’ll ask me.
but you tell me.
am i a virgin?”